Travel around Lugu Lake and the phrase you hear most often from local people is "we are a matrilineal extended family." Many visitors look puzzled: matrilineal? So women are in charge? Then where is the father?
This article sets out the structure of the Mosuo (摩梭) matrilineal family — who actually makes the decisions, whose line the children follow, and what role the uncle plays in the household.
What a Matrilineal Extended Family Is
A Mosuo "family" is not the three- or four-person household we have in mind, but an extended family of a dozen or even several dozen people.
The family is built like this: an old woman (the most senior female), her children, her daughters' children, her daughters' daughters' children… every member shares one common matrilineal ancestor — the old woman.
The old woman's sons (the children's uncles) also live in the home, but they do not raise their own children (their own children live in the home of their female axia (阿注)). What they raise are their sisters' children.
In one sentence: a Mosuo matrilineal family is all the female descendants tracing down from a single common female ancestor, together with their brothers.
There are no sons-in-law, no daughters-in-law, no parents-in-law — which is why Mosuo families never have conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Who Actually Calls the Shots
It is not the old woman.
The manager of a Mosuo matrilineal family is the most capable middle-aged woman in the household, called the "dabu" (达布) in the Mosuo language.
The dabu is neither born to the post nor elected; she emerges naturally. Among the women of the household, whoever is the most capable, the most respected, and the best with money and accounts, everyone defers to — she is the dabu.
What does the dabu manage? The household money, the arrangement of work, what is eaten each day, the sacrificial rites, and the dealings of favour and etiquette. Big and small, every matter in the household is decided by the dabu.
The old woman (the most senior female) is the spiritual figurehead, honoured and revered, but she does not handle daily affairs. It is like having an old grandmother in the family whom everyone respects, while it is your mother who buys the groceries, cooks and arranges life.
What Role the Uncle Plays
Many people assume men have no standing in a matrilineal family. They are wrong.
In a Mosuo household, the uncle's position is very important.
What does the uncle handle? The heavy work — building houses, ploughing the fields, going off with horse caravans to trade. He handles the sacrificial rites — when there is a major event in the family, it is the uncle who comes forward to invite the Daba and perform the rituals. He handles the family's external affairs — negotiating with other families, lawsuits, all outside liaison are the uncle's business.
What does the uncle not do? He is not called "father" by his sisters' children. The sisters' children call the uncle "awu" (阿乌), which means "uncle." In the Mosuo language the word for "father" appears very late; children grow up never knowing who their biological father is, and never needing to know.
The uncle treats his sisters' children as his own. Their education, marriage and coming-of-age rite are all his responsibility. A child's feeling for the uncle runs far deeper than for a biological father.
Whose Child Is It?
The mother's, and the whole matrilineal extended family's.
Once born, the child belongs to the matrilineal family of the mother. It has many "mothers" — the birth mother and the aunts are all its mothers. It has many "uncles" — the mother's brothers are all its uncles. It has many "brothers and sisters" — the children of the mother's sisters are all its brothers and sisters.
The child's relationship with the biological father is distant. The father does not come to live in the child's home and takes no part in the child's upbringing. When the child is a month old, the father's family comes to acknowledge the child and bring gifts, but after that they leave and there is no ordinary contact.
This is not a matter of cold feeling, but of the system. In Mosuo society, raising children is the business of the matrilineal extended family, and has nothing to do with the father. The father's duty is to raise his own sisters' children.
Why Mosuo Families Have No Mother-in-Law Conflicts
Because there is no such relationship at all.
The greatest source of conflict in the traditional Chinese family is the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship — two women without blood tie, forced under one roof by a man.
In a Mosuo family, all the women share blood — they are either full sisters, or aunt and niece, or grandmother and granddaughter. They have grown up together, eaten together, worked together, lived together for decades.
No outsider marries in, and no daughter marries out. All the women of the house are daughters of the same mother.
Of course, family conflict is not absent — sisters quarrel, aunts and nieces fall out. But these conflicts are far easier to resolve than mother-in-law/daughter-in-law ones. After all, blood is thicker than water; however they argue, they remain one family.
Why the Matrilineal Family Has Survived So Long
The Mosuo matrilineal system is not a leftover from primitive society; it is a system with an economic base and social function.
Economically, an extended family means ample labour. A dozen or more people farming together, herding together, trading with horse caravans, are far more efficient than a small household. In the mountain country around Lugu Lake, with its poor roads and scarce goods, the extended family is the optimal way to survive.
Socially, an extended family means security. There is no pension, no medical insurance — who looks after you when you are old? Your own children. In a Mosuo family, an elder is cared for by dozens of nephews and nieces, far more reliable than raising one or two children.
Emotionally, an extended family means company. Mosuo women never raise a child alone; beside them are the mother, the aunts, the sisters, helping out. The child wants for nothing in love, with a whole crowd of elders doting on it.
This system is not "backward"; it is survival wisdom adapted to Lugu Lake's special environment.
How Many Mosuo Families Are Still Matrilineal?
Fewer and fewer.
The younger generation goes away to school and work; many have registered formal marriages outside and live small-family lives. Young people who return to Lugu Lake also increasingly lean toward monogamy.
But the matrilineal extended family has not disappeared. In villages farther from the tourist areas, such as Yongning and Wenquan, it remains the mainstream. Even near the tourist areas, many households that have adopted formal marriage still keep much matrilineal tradition — for example, the uncle still takes part in raising his nieces and nephews, and property still passes down the female line.
If, when you travel to Lugu Lake, you get the chance to sit a while in a Mosuo mother house and look at the people gathered around the fire hearth — the old woman, the dabu, the uncles, the children — you will understand: this is no "living fossil," but a real, warm living community.